Tag: Purpose

Finding, And Living, Your True Purpose

There is no greater gift you can give or receive than to honour your calling. It’s why you were born. And how you become most truly alive.

Oprah Winfrey

At this moment in time, in a world that continues to adapt and evolve more than many thought possible, how many of us can honestly say we have realised our true purpose in life? And not only that, but how many of us can say we are living our everyday lives in direct alignment with our purpose and doing things we genuinely love on a frequent basis? After all, recognising something can be tough enough, but implementing a plan or a passion can be a whole different story. Especially given the heightened responsibilities surrounding things as family, friendships, housing, employment and finances in the current generation, to name a few, people can be heavily burdened by the weight of these expectations or priorities, therefore following what you believe to be your ‘true purpose’ can be viewed as unrealistic. A pipedream. Something that is simply speaking, way out of your reach. Something that only the most intelligent, rich and successful people can do. How can it happen to me, you might ask?

Now I ask you that as a person who’s been in these positions myself. Having recently left university, moved places and unquestionably at a crossroads in my life, I’m currently torn between getting a job that will simply secure me more financially, a job I am more likely to enjoy but will inevitably be harder to find, or thinking ‘fuck it’ and risking everything to set up a community interest company (CIC) and live my dream of working in local communities to generate conversations and shine a brighter spotlight on mental health. Each have their own advantages. Yet sadly, each have significant drawbacks too. The question is: What do I do? And what should you do if you find yourself in a similar precarious situation?

Firstly, set out a clear plan or vision. Weigh up the pros and cons. Write them down in a comparative list as this can increase clarity of thought and direction. Get to a place where you know (or close to know) whether the possible rewards outweigh the potential risks. Difficult choices and an intense fear of doing something wrong or regretting it naturally makes us unsure and indecisive, therefore it’s crucial that we are well informed and don’t wait around forever not choosing one route or the other. After all, no decision is still a decision. I know it’s extremely hard, and this is something I continue to contend with daily, but umming and ahing about a million different things benefits us very little. Trust me I know. The only thing it does is create unnecessary anxiety and compound feelings of powerlessness and worthlessness. Without clarity, we are simply nothing because we won’t know what we want or why we want something.

With the average adult making approximately 35,000, yes 35,000 conscious decisions each day- and 226 on food alone (Cornell University)- this means it’s paramount that we reduce or simplify the smaller choices we are tasked with so we can focus more on preparing for the ‘bigger’ stuff. The stuff that really matters. Otherwise, we’ll be there all fucking day and never get anything important done will we? We’ll never be able to grow, develop and say we’re living in accordance to our true purpose because the cycle of procrastination, overthinking and harmful habits will repeat itself. Again and again and again. Much like that movie Groundhog Day where actor Bill Murray finds himself in a time warp and the very unfortunate position of reliving the same day continuously.

Sometimes we’ll be forced to make quick, immediate decisions, yes, however predominantly we need to both think and act SMARTER. Calmer. Logically. Not quicker. Not recklessly. Not impulsively. While it may free up more time in the short-term, making decisions in destructive states of high emotion and irrationality can deeply hurt us in the long-run because we may change our minds another 50, 100 or 1000 times. And that’s dangerous as the more accustomed we become to doubting our gut instincts, the greater the likelihood of that it’ll keep happening and we’ll never trust ourselves again. Self-doubt is the worst!

Nobody is perfect. It’s okay to make mistakes. You will have your ‘down days’ and moments of weakness. And nothing is going to dramatically change overnight. That being said, there’s no reason that you can’t become optimise productivity and live a life full to the brim with purpose should you work hard and remain focussed on a key goal. Never forget your ‘why’ and how a particular activity makes you feel inside!

Thanks for reading,

Adam

Adam Howard2 Comments

Diary Entry #3: Enough Is Enough

There is no change without sacrifice.

Gloria Allred

*DISCLAIMER* The following posts contains suicidal references, please do not read if you feel doing so will trigger or harm you!

These past few days have been horrible. Bordering upon horrific. As a result of crying constantly and shedding more tears than I thought was physically possible- not to mention feeling incredibly lonely from the strains of living alone and staring aimlessly at the same four walls almost continuously- I’ve reached a stage in life where I’m frankly tired of feeling depressed and anxious. Exhausted by the weight of the world on my shoulders and considering every possible way that I could single-handedly fuck up my own life. Just like that. At a moment’s notice. Even thoughts that lay dormant in my brain can erupt like a volcanic explosion from beneath the surface. Without warning and leaving a trail of mass destruction.

Though I’ve kept a metaphorical lid on my suicidal thoughts for a decent while, recently they’ve returned with vengeance. More often, more intense, more real. Dark clouds dampen every waking thought. I want to cry practically every five mins, shut out the world. Pretend I don’t exist for a while just to get a little rest bite. Despite attempting to switch off and distract myself doing things I enjoy, I cannot seem to rest. Most worryingly, sleeps seems to be my only escape.

What did I do to deserve this? Am I doing something seriously wrong here? How have I become such a shell of my happiest self? The person that laughs a lot, likes going out, trying new things, seeing friends, being active, helping others, and trying to make a genuine positive difference in the world. Where the fuck did that guy go and can I have him back pronto? How- in a world where there are roughly 8 billion humans- does my mind convince me that not a single one of those people remotely gives a shit how I feel? That they wouldn’t give a shit if I disappeared forever. Not strangers, neighbours, mates, or even my family? I honestly wouldn’t wish how I feel right now on my worst enemy. It’s that bad. All I want is a release; for it to be over.

While I must state that I’m fully aware that my actions are unhealthy and it’s my responsibility to carry out self-care and seek greater professional support, this is where we hit a major stumbling block. Mental health services in the UK (while I don’t know much about other nations), are simply inadequate. Not fit for purpose. Year after year they fail the people most in need of help. People are suffering from mental health issues and killing themselves at exponential rates, yet all that seems to happen time after time is false promises of better, more extensive and robust support services. Good in practice yes, however how much worse does this dire situation have to get for more people to be heard and treated sufficiently? To not be pushed aside and slapped on waiting lists for ridiculous periods of time. Is it a certain number of suicides? A point where services collapse before us? Or will we continue to live in a country where mental health is a mere afterthought to physical health? Where we live in a fantasy world and pretend the two exist on a strict level-playing field.

Although we should pray this won’t remain the same for long, I for one am not convinced. People can and do benefit from professional support, undoubtedly, but the numbers are becoming fewer. The simple facts are that people facing serious mental health conditions such as depression, bipolar, schizophrenia etc are left to suffer so long internally that it’s a much tougher task to help them since their difficulties have been allowed to manifest too much. And this means more people than ever are leaving unhappy and disappointed with the support they’ve received, despite taking an admirable and courageous step to admit they’re struggling.

Particularly with the position I find myself in now- depressed, anxious, scared, frustrated amongst other words- one can’t but think that I’ve been let down. Many others have been let down. Without any genuine positive changes, this crisis is only set to grow and more people like me will slip through the proverbial net. Now ask yourself this: what justice is that?

Thanks for reading,

Adam

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People Who INSPIRE Me

Make your life a masterpiece; imagine no limitations on what you can be, have or do.

Brian Tracy

In times such as this, whereby life is moving at a snail’s place and has seemingly ground to a halt, who could blame us for feeling fatigued and sapped of motivation to do practically anything. If this sounds like you, maybe what you require is a source of inspiration to ‘pick you up’ and enable you to battle through this testing time. Today I’m going to provide a short list of people who have really inspired me at one point or another, hopefully of which could be some benefit to you too.

  1. Jay Shetty

Born and raised in London, Shetty is a former monk turned award-winning storyteller, motivational speaker, YouTuber and Podcaster with a clear goal of using his voice, content and experiences to share his wisdom and provide people with the tools to transform their life in a way they never thought possible. Responsible for the highest viewed Facebook video in 2018, the Brit has also made guest appearances on the ‘Ellen Show’ and ‘The Today Show’, written his own book called ‘Think Like a Monk’ and amassed over 4 billion views on social media! With a whole range of content on topics such as mental health, purpose, relationships and self-worth, Shetty is sure to deliver something for everybody. But don’t just take my word for it!

https://jayshetty.me/

2. Ben Stokes

Following a final disastrous final over in the World T20 final defeat vs West Indies in 2016, not to mention a very public charge of affray roughly 18 months later (in which he was found not guilty), you’d be forgiven for thinking that this was the end of a young cricketer’s very bright future. That the mental torture of on-field failure and off-field misdemeanors would be too difficult to come back from. While for many this would be undoubtedly true, the summer of 2019 only a matter of years later proved to be the pinnacle of Stokes’ burgeoning career. In a tournament where England clinched the 50 over Cricket World Cup for the first time in an astonishing, nail-biting final against New Zealand at Lord’s, the Durham man showed nerves of steel scoring 84 not out and taking England to victory from the jaws of defeat. Add to this an incredible earlier part of the World Cup where he scored 4 crucial fifties and took an incredible catch against South Africa, it is clear to see that without the impact of Stokes England may not have clinched the title. In the ensuing Ashes series that followed, one of Sport’s most fiercest rivalries, his incredible innings of 135 not out at Leeds almost single-handedly snatched victory from Australian hands in the most unlikely of circumstances. Though the 5 match series end in a 2-2 draw, the sporting world was once again reminded just how extraordinary and ice cool under pressure a sportsman Stokes is. Rewarded for his performances, his year was completed with the 2019 BBC Sports Personality of the Year award and showed just how much his public image had improved since his previous mistakes. In my eyes, Stokes is testament to the theory that whatever happens, you can come back stronger if you are determined and work hard.

3. Frank Bruno

Though the lesser admired and recognised British heavyweight of his era due to the achievements of his once rival Lennox Lewis, the 58 year-old Londoner reached his own pinnacle by defeating American Oliver McCall at Wembley Stadium in September 1995 to clinch the WBC World Heavyweight title. Despite 3 previous failed attempts at winning a coveted world heavyweight championship, his tireless determination and drive to achieve his lifelong dream meant he would claim a brilliant victory at the fourth time of asking and retire as one of Britain’s most loved boxers. Following a later diagnosis of Bipolar disorder and extensive negative comments made by those in the press, Bruno has become an incredible spokesman for the mental health community through sharing his experiences and encouraging others to speak out and not feel ashamed. A truly inspiring man who has overcome much adversity! Check out his foundation via the link below:

https://www.thefrankbrunofoundation.co.uk/

If anybody reading this has their own suggestions of who they found inspiring, feel free to let me know in the comments below. I’d love to find other people with brilliant stories!

P.S. I hope everybody is coping well during lockdown, stay safe!

Thanks for reading,

Adam

Adam Howard1 Comment

Self-Love: Why Is it So Important?

Loving yourself isn’t vanity. It is sanity.

Katrina Mayer

If you had to name ten things that you love, at the drop of a hat right now, how many of you could truthfully say that ‘yourself’ or anything related to that would be on the list? If I’m being brutally honest it wouldn’t be on mine, nor do I suspect it would be on the majority of your lists either. While we are taught from an early age how to love, respect and be kind to the people around us, my burning question is why is the relationship we have with ourselves not held in the same high regard? In today’s post, I’m going to share why I’m attempting to embrace the act of self-love more and the reasons why it’s so crucial.

In a modern world where our quest for likes, follows, attention, being endeared and this whole concept of instant success and gratification sits very much at the forefront of our brains, often without realising,is it any wonder that our focus has shifted from loving ourselves to feeling like we need acceptance off others to create a life where we feel happy about who we are? While I undoubtedly agree that the people with interact with and friendships we nurture play a key role in make our lives more fulfilled and enjoyable, it seems as though our increasing infatuation with other people has become rather ‘artificial’ and dangerous. Dangerous in the fact that for so many of us, our happiness is almost solely based on the opinion of others. Whether they like or dislike us. What they are thinking. And even people we sometimes don’t even know or care about. Particularly in the realm of social media, the opinions or expression of others is often disingenuous anyway!

What I have recognised, particularly from my own experiences, is no matter how many likes, comments, compliments or whatever you receive, it will not take away your problems. In that very moment you may get an endorphin release, feeling of satisfaction or sense of self-importance, but what I have found is that soon disappears. A fix comparable to a drug/gambling addiction.

Everybody in life is searching for a sense of purpose, importance and appreciation in one way or another, however it’s vital that we are not overwhelmed by it. For more times that I can remember, I’ve sat on my phone waiting for a text or been clinging onto the hope of somebody acting a certain way, yet all that has done is create a litany of confusion, frustration and self-doubt. All that time spent looking for approval, annoyingly, could have been put to better use being productive or doing something to improve my own life. Sadly, this is also the case for so many other people out there!

Here are just a few examples of activities I now do in order to better myself:

  1. Working-out at the gym: Helps build confidence, releases stress
  2. Reading books: Allows learning of new techniques, provides inspiration
  3. Journalling: Can put thoughts on paper and rationalise them more
  4. Meditation: Brings a sense of calm, encourages present thinking
  5. Motivational Podcasts: Gives hope, can repeat positive affirmations

Although I appreciate adopting an attitude of ‘self-love’ is far from easy, especially as I have a long road ahead myself, I truly believe that accepting who we are as people can only benefit us as we navigate through life. If you think of all the instances you felt disappointed, angry, frustrated, helpless etc. at yourself, somebody else or even a situation, wouldn’t it be great to be in a positions where silly things we previously viewed as significant pale into insignificance? Whereby if something has gone wrong, we accept that not everything can go to plan but we are strong enough to deal with the consequences. Where we say ‘I can do this’ and ‘everything will be okay’, not ‘what’s the point?’ and ‘I’m not strong enough’.

After all, if we as people embrace who we are and what we stand for, wouldn’t we be better equipped to cope should something go wrong? Particularly in our desire to please other people, the big problem is that we have no control over how they act. It’s fantastic to have people around who care and love us, however it’s also important that we do not become reliant on others to make us happy and feel secure. By starting to feel happy and content within yourself, it’ll be a massive boost to the various other aspects of your life too. Whether it be your job, finances or interpersonal relationships, happiness breeds success.

Take it from me- if you are stuck in a place of worthlessness and feeling of no return- you are so much less likely to get what you want. While making positive changes is far from ‘plain sailing’ and ‘down days’ are perfectly natural, my advice to anybody reading would be to prioritise your own mental health. By no means should you neglect the people closest to you, however you should undoubtedly consider your own needs more. Doing that doesn’t make you selfish- it makes you human. Let’s stop making people feeling guilty for it! Being kind to ourselves is vital.

Repeat after me: I am the most important person, I accept who I am, I am worthy of love.

What I continue to say is it’ll be worth all the hard work in the end!

Thanks for reading,

Adam

Adam Howard4 Comments

My Review Of The 2010’s: The Highs And Lows

A century is about events. A decade is about people.

George Friedman

Hi everybody, it’s been a long while but I’m back for my first blog of the year. (Apologies for the delay). 2020 has finally arrived. Doesn’t time, and life in general fly by?

So as we enter a new decade, the 2nd of the 21st century, I wanted to look back and reflect on the 10 years that have preceded us. In particular just how much life has changed. For good and for bad.

If I rewind to 2010, when I was the tender age of 10, I was in my penultimate year of primary school and life seemed to be pretty great. Like any kid I had my difficult times where I fell out with friends or rebelled against the very concept of school, however up until I left a year later in 2011, education was overall a rewarding experience. Being a part of sports teams, learning new things, messing around with my mates, going on school trips and all the other things kids often do at that age were usually fun. Instances of worry/concern were few and far between. It’s incredible to think just how much circumstances can change in a matter of years, months and even days. We can never be sure what life holds for us!

Moving forward to the September of 2011, where my journey (excuse the cliche) at high school began, what I will say is the transition of going from a small primary to a relatively big high school was extremely challenging. And that’s putting it lightly!

While my primary school was located within close proximity to my house, I grew to know most of the people, I liked many of the teachers and the expectations were obviously much lower, high school altered my life in so many ways. Although I appreciate I came to the decision of choosing to attend a certain school, it was certainly a shock to the system having to get up at 6:30am, having to travel for 40 minutes on the bus to and from and school, not to mention becoming accustomed to a completely alien environment with new classmates, new teachers, different rules and different surroundings.

As I got older, progressing from Year 7 to my departure from Year 11 in May 2016, whereby naturally the expectations of coursework, exams, deadlines and fitting in with your peers loom large, I’m not afraid to say that I found it all very hard to deal with. Despite at the time not recognising it was a real issue that needed genuine support, my high school experience was blighted by constant anxiety, perfectionism, low self-confidence, lapses of concentration and towards its conclusion, extreme withdrawal from friends. Even at lunch time, when you would see everybody hanging around with their mates, joking around doing whatever, I would occupy most of my breaks in the library or IT suites to isolate myself. As a defence mechanism. To protect myself from possible embarrassment or ridicule. I’d be lying if I said I had no enjoyable periods through secondary school, for example certain lessons or teachers, but I’d like it to have been significantly better. Without question!

Progressing onto sixth form in the September of 2016, opting to study Finance, Economics and Statistics (big mistakes I stress), it wasn’t long before my long-standing issues came erupting to the surface and to people’s attention. And most importantly my Mum’s. If you’ve followed many of my previous posts, you’ll probably know that my college experience didn’t last too long at all, predominantly because my mental health hit rock bottom.

Although in the moment it seemed like the most destructive and stupid decision I’d ever made, reflecting now has proved to me just how true the old adage ‘everything happens for a reason’ is. Not until I left the ‘pit of despair’ at the back end of that year did I distinguish the difference between what I wanted and what I NEEDED. While every fibre of my being was desperate to stay in college, work through my issues and achieve the results I required to move onto university, it’s clear that the timing was not right. Through leaving education behind me for a few years and prioritising my health, it not only allowed me to become more aware of who I am as a person, but also rediscover a sense of passion and belonging that had disappeared for such a long time. Much of what I have to thank for that is campaigning, in particular the countless number of incredible people I’ve met and friendships I’ve established along the way!

It may not have been until early 2018 that I discovered the sheer enjoyment that comes from campaigning, but realistically my previous negative experiences were what allowed me to stumble across something where I could transform the lowest of lows into the highest of highs. Like anybody, especially those with a mental illness, the challenges I face on a daily basis are incredibly difficult to handle, nevertheless I’m now in a much better place to tackle them head on. Volunteering has enabled to help others on a scale I never thought possible- and has supported my own personal development too. Who’d have thought just a few years earlier that’d I feel comfortable sharing my story to a group of strangers?!

As I sit here now looking to the next decade ahead, my mind is occupied by excitement and apprehension in equal measure. While life for me personally has altered unfathomably over the last 10 years, it also should be noted just how much YOUR life (probably) and the world around us has changed too. Whether that change was largely good or bad, it’s important that we realise that the fight within us is definitely much stronger than we think. Self-doubt is a demon and I for one, will be working hard to beat it. However long it takes. It’s mind-boggling that I could be starting university in the latter part of 2020!

P.S. Here’s to the 2020’s being the best and most fruitful decade of our lives!

Thanks for reading,

Adam

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