Tag: Family

The Power Of Conversation

Good conversation is as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after.

Anne Morrow Lindbergh

In periods of hardship and difficult mental health, the brain is regularly guilty of lying and almost encouraging us to ‘hide away’ and face certain situations alone. That we’re a burden and nobody cares about what’s going in our lives. That it’s a weakness to open up in times of need, or simply whenever we’d simply like to offload.

No matter how much the rational side of the brain disputes these negative statements and reminds us of people who care about us- whether that be friends, family or work colleagues- I speak from experience in saying it’s incredibly easy to slip into dangerous modes of thinking and isolate yourself from the rest of the world because you fear people’s reactions. You fear pushing people away. You fear making a situation worse. And you fear the potential that somebody will view you differently to what they did before you opened up.

Now while I’m far from the ‘finished article’ and still have my doubts when having a chat with somebody, becoming increasingly open has been predominantly positive and taught me so many valuable life lessons.

Firstly, we should never underestimate the unbelievable power and benefits of conversation. Phrases such as “tell me what’s going on” or “hey mate, mind if we have a chat?” are effective yet uncomplicated ways to get the ball rolling.

Furthermore, as the common motto states: a problem shared is a problem halved. If I’m having a particularly rough day and I’d like support or some specific advice, I often take the time to reach out to somebody I trust. People won’t always be willing, available or in a position to help, however when someone is, I rarely come away from such conversations feeling any worse or more frustrated than before the conversation started. There are few worse feelings than dealing with something difficult alone, therefore making that decision to ‘bite the bullet’ and be honest about how you’re feeling allows you to gather support and feel less isolated in your struggles.

After all, by confiding in someone else you can experience the great pleasure of being heard. Being valued. Being appreciated. Of feeling like someone understands or relates to how you’re feeling, what you’re going through or where you’re coming from. Without expressing your thoughts and emotions, one way or another, it can be very difficult to pick yourself up and process the pain or confusion which could be running amuck in your head. The last thing you want is to spiral!

In having the opportunity to digest fresh opinions and perspectives- opening your mind to different ideas you might never have considered otherwise- you also allow yourself to reflect and grow as a person. Gain new knowledge. Become better educated. Feel more informed. Restore clarity. Make better decisions in future scenarios than you would have if you’d ‘gone it alone’ because you’re more aware of what helps and what doesn’t.

Society has taught that it’s the cool thing to be self-sufficient and handle life on our own, however this isn’t possible all the time. Or even remotely sustainable. We humans are social creatures who thrive on being connected and building relationships with other people, so it’s okay to lean on other people for support at times! It’s okay to prioritise strong social relationships!

If you’re feeling stuck and unsure how to move forward (trust me I’ve been there a million times), I plead you to take my advice. Reach out. Text a friend. Visit a family member. Call a helpline. No matter what happens, there’ll always be at least 1 person eager to listen and have a chit-chat. Incorporate talking into your daily routine!

You may think it’s pointless and there’s nothing to gain, yet what’s there to lose? An old-fashioned chinwag might just spring you into action and be the catalyst for inspiration and action you never thought you needed.

Who knows? You just might bring a smile to another person’s face as well.

And that’s as good a reason as any!

Thanks for reading,

Adam

Adam HowardLeave a comment

The Queen Of New York

A hero is an individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles.

Christopher Reeve

Earlier this year, 18 year-old Emma Raducana was completing her A-Levels in Mathematics and Economics. And in July of this year, the relatively ‘unheard of’ teenager had crashed out of the fourth round of Wimbledon, with notable people such as John McEnroe and Piers Morgan questioning her mental strength and ability to cope with the pressure as she cited ‘breathing problems’ and ‘feeling dizzy’ as the primary reasons for her retirement against Australian Alya Tomljanovic. Yet despite this, only 2 months later under the bright lights of New York at Flushing Meadows, on the same day that America mourned the victims of the 9/11 attacks exactly 20 years on, the world number 150 and rank outsider completed one of sports’ greatest EVER triumphs (male or female) as she captured the US open trophy and the healthy sum of $2.5 million. Not bad for anybody, let alone a teenager eh?

Securing her own unique place in the history books as the first person ever to win a Tennis major title having started the tournament as a qualifier, Raducanu’s achievement is even more remarkable when you consider the fact she didn’t drop a single set in 10 consecutive wins and was extraordinarily ruthless in disposing of stern opposition. Women with more experience and positioned higher in the world rankings. Women, who simply put, were expected to outperform and derail her bid to shock the sporting universe.

In a showpiece final billed as the battle of the teenagers, with Canadian opponent Laylah Fernandez only a year Raducanu’s senior at 19, this was a contest that pitted two of Tennis’ brightest prospects against each other for the first time since the 2nd round of the Girls’ singles at Wimbledon in 2018. A match which Raducanu incidentally comfortably came out of top. Only this time, like neither had ever encountered, this was the professional ranks and the eyes of the whole world were watching closely in anticipation. With the pair closely matched, this was a test to see who would rise to the occasion and show up when it REALLY mattered. On the biggest stage of them all.

During a tight first set, which ebbed and flowed throughout, with incredible skill and composure from both on display, it was Great Britain’s Raducanu who edged her nose in front with a decisive break to take the first stanza 6-4. Heading into the second, one which Fernandez needed to win to keep her title hopes alive, Raducanu further illustrated her class and steely determination to battle past the strong resistance of Fernandez and take a 5-3 stronghold. Despite the toughness and never-say-die attitude that enabled Fernandez to beat numerous top-ranked opponents and reach the final in the first place, and the small fact that Raducanu was seen bleeding from the ankle after attempting to hit a return, she still would not be denied as she fittingly sealed the championship with a 6-4, 6-3 scoreline after firing a trademark ace.

Sinking to her knees and basking in the extraordinary glory of her achievement, this was a victory made all the more sweeter when you realise that the raucous American crowd inside Flushing Meadows was strongly in favour of Laylah Fernandez at every opportunity. Where every point she won brought silence, and every point lost brought raptuous noise and applause. Not since the days of Virginia Wade at Wimbledon in 1977 had Britain unearthed a Women’s Grand Slam champion. In emphatic fashion, however, that wait has finally come to an end. Even if, in our wildest dreams, we didn’t expect it to happen now!

So what’s next for the new British number 1 and world No.23 who’s plunged into stardom in a matter of weeks? Though you’d been forgiven for thinking this incredible rise from outsider to champion and newfound super-fame could be difficult to handle, especially for someone so young, let’s just say this. In the aftermath of her victory, Raducanu was quick to acknowledge the role of her brilliant coaches, friends and supportive parents. Now add to that the outstanding resilience she demonstrated in picking herself back up from the immense scrutiny and disappointment of Wimbledon, and you have a young woman with all the ingredients needed to remain at the highest level of her craft for a very, very long time indeed. Staying at the top is notoriously harder than getting there, but with the support of key people around her to keep her grounded, and a mental strength hailed as ‘special’, Raducanu is brilliantly equipped to prove she’s anything but a result of a fluke or a ‘flash in the pan’. Only time will tell- but I speak for many in saying I can’t wait to see how her career unfolds! Who knows what she can achieve…

With BBC Sports Personality of the Year fast approaching in December, have we got ourselves a new standout contender?

Thanks for reading,

Adam

Adam HowardLeave a comment

Top Tips For Surviving The Pandemic And Holding Onto Hope: Part 2

He who has health, has hope; and he who has hope has everything.

Thomas Carlyle

As promised, here are three more brilliant people giving their top tips on how to endure the challenges of lockdown. Enjoy 🙂

  1. What have been your favourite activities to do during lockdown?

Stephen: Anything that allows me to switch off and live in the moment such as gardening, listening to music, cooking etc.  The lockdown has created so much uncertainty and fear so it’s good to focus on the things that nourish you. Whether that’s physically, mentally, emotionally. 

Sarah: Diamond painting, playing Switch and spending time with my daughter Poppy.

Courtney: I don’t have an awful lot of time for activities as I am still working during lockdown but from home; proud employee of the NHS in mental health services. On weekends, however, I have taken up so many creative activities. This has included doing cross-stitch, paint by numbers and reigniting my love for yoga with my best friend.

2. What is your support system like?

Stephen: I’m lucky that I have a relatively settled home life with my wife and daughter, plus I have wider family and friends I’ve made an extra effort with during the lockdown. They don’t all understand the reality of living with and managing a longer term mental health condition but there are some who have lived experience I can more easily discuss my emotional wellbeing with. I have also managed to maintain contact with my counsellor via Zoom, who I’ve build up a good relationship with over the years.

Sarah: I have fairly good support with my family. We have our moments but we get there.

Courtney: I’m lucky to have an incredible support system. My family are amazing and I’m living with my mum, dad and older brother, meaning it’s difficult to get lonely. With regards to my friends, I occasionally video call them but I have avoided group zoom calls because I don’t enjoy them. They are always there when I need them though!

3. Is there anything you’ve learnt from the COVID-19 pandemic?

Stephen: Life is fragile and fleeting, and times like this can serve as a useful reminder of that.  So for me, it’s really reinforced my determination to use my time more wisely on the things that really matter with the people that matter most.  It’s also given me cause to stop and contemplate things a little more than I usually would.

Sarah: Yeah, not to take certain things for granted. We have no idea how quickly circumstances can change.

Courtney: It’s really sunk in how society was always moving at 100 miles per hour before the world was forced to pause. I’ve discovered that this slowing down has enabled me to realise there is actually plenty of time in the day, therefore I’ve really taken to living in the moment and being more mindful. Rather than always thinking about what I should do next

4. Tell me one positive news story, headline or moment you’ve seen that’s given you hope!

Stephen: As someone who is passionate about the environment, it’s been fantastic to see many more people beginning to question whether we really do actually want to return to ‘normal’, especially if that means the way we live continues to impact in such a negative way on the environment. It’s been incredible to discover that the lockdown has caused significant (positive) knock-on effects to the environment.

Sarah: Forth Valley (my hometown) has been COVID-19 free for 3 days now! *Please note this was written on 30th May 2020*

Courtney: ‘Nature takes back world’s city streets emptied by coronavirus outbreak’. I absolutely love this, and have certainly heard more birds tweeting recently.

5. Should somebody be experiencing a tough time, what would your advice be?

Stephen: Some people prefer not to cause a fuss and think it’s better to be stoic in times of national crisis; they think everyone else is having to cope with similar pressures so it’s better not to make a fuss. The simple truth is many other people are struggling to cope with the unprecedented times we’re all living through right now. Don’t be afraid to admit you’re having a tough time and talk to family and friends you trust. There are also plenty of support services being offered by various mental health charities and the NHS.

Sarah: Just keep battling on- it’s very tough but slowly things are starting to change.

Courtney: Remind yourself that this will not last forever. Use the time available to create healthy habits, start a hobby you’ve always wanted to try, and make yourself a routine for each day.

With a few lockdown restrictions being eased around the UK, as well as in other countries across the globe, let’s hope that this is the start of us getting some freedom back. Life has unquestionably changed massively, however I’m more than confident that we can battle through and make the best of a difficult situation!

Thanks for reading,

Adam

Adam HowardLeave a comment

Top Tips For Surviving The Pandemic And Holding Onto Hope

Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness.

Desmond Tutu

As we all find ourselves in an unprecedented period of coronavirus, isolation, social distancing and change, it’s incredibly hard for many of us to adapt to this ‘new normal’ and ultimately manage our wellbeing as well as we’d want to. With the help of some great people answering a series of questions, today’s post is a collection of their thoughts for getting through the lockdown and making the best of a bad situation. Whether you’re completely stuck in a rut or perhaps need a little bit of inspiration, you’ve come to the right place!

  1. What have been your favourite activities to do during the lockdown?

Andrea: Part time I’ve been working in a nursing home, however aside from that I’ve enjoyed walking, spending time with my Dog, doing Yoga and taking time to process life with periods of contemplation/reflection.

Mhari: My biggest hobbies during lockdown have been cooking, baking and trying new forms of exercise.

Steve: I have been getting really active with my fitness and competing with work colleagues on step counts.

Olivia: I’ve been cooking and baking lots more, as well as drawing and watching new series on Netflix.

Rebecca: I’ve enjoyed getting outside, whether it’s in the garden with the family or going out on walks. Being outside helps my mental wellbeing hugely and I like a lot of competitive sports, so being able to adjust and create games to play as a family in the garden has been nice.

2. What is your support system like?

Andrea: I have a husband and I’m able to video call my children and other family members. With all that and a Dog, I would say I have a good support system.

Mhari: I live with my husband and son, meanwhile my friends are only a message away most of the time.

Steve: My support network is good- I run a talk group for others to join in, and if I need somebody to chat to about certain things, I confide in friends and people I have met through my mental health work.

Olivia: I’m lucky enough to have friends and a boyfriend who regularly check up on me, make sure I’m okay and are so supportive.

Rebecca: It varies – a lot of my support systems depended on me going out and meeting up with friends, therefore I now have to rely on FaceTime and Skype calls to keep me connected. I’ve struggled reaching out for help from my support system as I find it quite easy to isolate, especially when there’s no expectation to go out. I have a handful of really good friends that message me throughout the day to check in and send me messages of hope- which is very kind. You can’t beat human interaction though so it’s been challenging to lose my support physically and it now be solely reliant on me picking up my phone. 

3. Is there anything you’ve learnt from the COVID-19 pandemic?

Andrea: I’ve learnt that social interaction of any kind is good for your mental health, however more so if it’s face-to-face. Friends and family are very important and it’s vital to contact people daily if they are alone or more vulnerable to isolation.

Mhari: That my family and friends are so important in keeping me mentally well.

Steve: To not take anything for granted and to appreciate the small things.

Olivia: I’ve learnt how to organise my time and put myself into a routine which doesn’t make me feel trapped. I’m also working on a healthy relationship with food and my body.

Rebecca: I’ve learnt the importance of connections. As someone suffering with depression I’ve spent a long period of time isolating myself anyway, and i knew communication was the key to managing my illness. However, even just smiles from neighbours and texts from friends have more meaning now.

4. Tell me one positive news story, headline or moment you’ve seen that’s given you hope!

Andrea: I’ve loved that the world is able to be together, be creative, adapt, communicate better, realise how we are not promised tomorrow and that people are caring for each other better. It’s taken a crisis like this for people to have a change of perspective.

Mhari: Volunteers around Stirling, Scotland (my local area) have been helping out vulnerable people with food shopping supplies and cutting their grass, among other things. They’ve done an amazing job!

Steve: That even when people have been in a crisis, people have come together and supported one another when required.

Olivia: Something positive is that air pollution around the world has been reduced. In the UK it’s halved since lockdown began. Delhi, the most polluted city in the world, has had its healthiest and freshest air in a decade.

Rebecca: I took my dog for a walk during the VE Day celebrations and was pleasantly surprised to see the amount of people out in the streets, with tables and chairs, playing bingo, waving flags and listening to music- all from a social distance of course. It brought me some joy and hope for the future and hopefully it will bring a greater sense of community.

5. Should somebody be experiencing a tough time, what would your advice be?

Andrea: Talk to somebody, make a phone call, reach out. You are never silly or a nuisance for doing so, despite what you may think. Mindfulness can also be very helpful as it teaches us how to think more in the present moment.

Mhari: Please speak to somebody online or over the phone. Use meditation apps and get out for a walk everyday to soak up the sunshine. Sometimes you may have no motivation or energy to go outside, but it definitely helps you feel better when you do.

Steve: Hold onto that bit of hope you have as the storm will pass. There is always someone there to help, even if it feels like you’re alone.

Olivia: Get in touch with somebody. We’re all in the same position in terms of being on lockdown, therefore it’s good to reach out to other people and recognise you’re not alone.

Rebecca: As much as you want to hide away, don’t. Experience your feelings, cry if you must, let the anxieties or worries come, reach out to someone to talk or write your thoughts down, but remember that they will pass. The happy, fun moments are never too far away!

I really hope the responses and advice given will be of some benefit- stay tuned for Pt.2 coming very soon!

Steve’s website: https://www.stevekillick90.com/

Becca’s website: https://www.teamreb.com/

Thanks for reading,

Adam

Adam HowardLeave a comment

This Is My Testimony…….

Create those things where human protagonists relate to us, where the stakes and conflict grip us, and where the emotions move us. Craft those simple things, those glorious things, those things so often forgotten but so desperately needed.

Jay Acunzo

Considering I’ve written a previous short blog detailing my experiences of public speaking and sharing my mental health ‘story’ with audiences of all different backgrounds, I thought it’d be of interest to pinpoint how exactly I’ve adapted my own idea style of storytelling. And in a way which will hopefully springboard my impact to a level I never thought possible. *Apologies if this is slightly longer than one of my usual posts*

So my journey with my mental health began around 8 years ago. At the time I was in my first year of secondary school and getting accustomed to a completely new environment was daunting and quite unsettling. While during high school I had absolutely no knowledge about mental health or what it was, probably due to the lack of conversations about it, looking back I can now recognise that I was definitely experiencing severe anxiety. The thought of walking past groups of people filled me with dread, I struggled to walk into the canteen as I feared what other people were thinking of me, not to mention towards the end I started to withdraw more from friends and spent large amounts of time in the library/IT suite to isolate myself.

Although these are all tell-tale signs of a mental health problem, nobody at school or home recognised an issue; my mum even suspected I was a victim of bullying. At the time I too had little knowledge of mental health, therefore for 5 years I learnt to live with this ‘inner turmoil.’ Us students were never engaged in serious discussions around a topic as serious as mental health. We had countless assemblies about drugs, alcohol, internet safety, physical health etc, yet not even a single word about mental wellbeing. I continue to ask myself why? The fact we didn’t discuss it once really does frustrate me!

Once I left and collected my GCSE results in the summer of 2016, I made the decision to start sixth form. Making decisions has never been a strong point of mine, therefore the options I chose in finance, stats and economics were very much last minute. Despite going into college with a sense of relief and renewed vigour beginning a new challenge, I noticed from pretty much from the start that my issues from high school were beginning to resurface. And probably getting worse than ever. Almost every day before heading into college I was going through awful panic attacks and breakdowns, completely in fear of what the day may hold or how I could possibly embarrass myself. This is turn made attending lessons and making friends very difficult.

Luckily with the support of my mum, who has experienced her own difficulties with mental health problems, I was finally given the opportunity to speak about my emotions and not have to keep them hidden. After coming to a joint decision that the best course of action would be to confide in a member of staff there, a meeting was arranged to discuss my current situation and what could be done moving forward. While stepping into that meeting I’d every hope that some sort of resolution could be found, perhaps in the form of greater support, all I felt was an immense disappointment and anger that they were not very understanding or prepared to help me through my struggles. Moving forward, I really hope places of education start to take these types of issues seriously. Better wellbeing often leads to improved results let’s not forget!

Again with the advice of my mum, I made the difficult choice to leave sixth form after three months. And on that very same day in December, visited my GP to discuss my mental health for the very first time. A huge step!

Within a matter of minutes, a diagnosis was confirmed. Social Anxiety and Depression. Now while a sense of relief that I ‘knew’ swept over, I also remember feelings of dread as though I didn’t know where to turn. What to do next. How I could make it better. Would it always be like this?

Heading into the new year of 2017, with no focus, purpose, structure or motivation to do basically anything, this is where things started to spiral out of control. And quickly. As a very ambitious and determined person, I’d always envisaged myself going down the ‘traditional path’ of high school, college, uni and then into my dream career, however it rapidly became apparent that the challenges I would face were more difficult than I ever imagined. Tasks that most would consider basic became near impossible, I wasn’t eating properly, I shut myself away in my room for long periods at a time, my interaction with others was non-existent, and most importantly, I really struggled to see that light at the end of the tunnel. A shadow of my former self, the suicidal thoughts grew darker and more frequent.

After seeing my doctor as mentioned earlier, it was a substantial wait before I was able to receive any sort of professional support. Of all the help that has followed, whether that be CBT (twice) or Counselling, unfortunately it has really not worked for me. Disappointing yes, but what I have found is other avenues have helped me more than any professional has. The massive positives for me have been reading, exercise, spending time with friends and establishing more of a daily routine.  It’s about finding what works for you….

Fast forward to March 2018- where I was mindlessly scrolling through social media (as you do)- I stumbled across a link for the ‘Time to Change’ website. Intrigued by what I saw, the stories that I read, and the power of the movement, one thing that was certain was that I had to be involved. It was an absolute no-brainer!

While we live in a world where attitudes to mental health and those struggling with mental health issues are definitely improving, you could certainly argue that we still have an awful long way to go. Particularly in the instance of men, both young and old, it has historically been very difficult to talk about our emotions through the fear of judgement, potentially showing weakness, or the idea that it makes you ‘less of a man’ to show emotion or cry. The dynamic between each gender is very different.

Despite this, I got to a point where I could no longer let my mental health define me. Yes it may still impact me on a daily basis, yes times do get tough, yes I’m not ‘cured’, but I’ve recognised that through campaigning and sharing my story that I can channel something negative into an enormous positive. It may frustrate me that many men and people of all background still find it hard to talk about mental health, nevertheless, through being open myself, it has given me a huge sense of focus, purpose and empowerment, I am able be a part of a greater change across society and my words may encourage others to speak out too! Even now, after over 18 months of regular campaigning, including events, fundraising, public speaking and various interviews, my passion, hunger and desire for making a difference burns as bright as it did at the beginning. Perhaps more so. I have a lot to thank for all the like-minded people and communities I’ve met along the way!

As soon as you start a conversation with a friend, family member, colleague etc, you will be amazed to see just how much of a difference it could make. Professional support should NEVER be underestimated, but what I will say is that conversations really can change lives. If a friend, family member or colleague is struggling, it can be very easy to try and find a concrete solution, yet sometimes all they really need is someone to talk to and listen. Someone they know they can turn to in times of need. And someone who won’t judge no matter what. Language is so pivotal.

From my own experience, the first step towards recovery is acknowledging you have a problem and feeling comfortable to talk about it. As they say, a problem shared is a problem halved. Taking the time to confide in my mum was one of the best things I ever did. Everybody is different so it’s important that you find what works to your advantage.

Coming away from today, it’d be great if you could consider these questions:

How would you feel if somebody close to you was struggling and you didn’t know? Upset? Angry? Frustrated? Shocked?

What can you do to increase conversations around mental wellbeing?

Would it be possible to text a friend/family member now to ask how they’re feeling?

Could you create a much more accepting environment at home, work etc. if you sat and listened to someone’s concerns, rather than judging them for how they feel?

Thanks for reading,

Adam

Adam HowardLeave a comment

My Advice For Christmas 2019- Emma Robinson

‘Merry’ Christmas…

I adore Christmas, I adore the festivity… the family time… the Christmas smells (I cannot get enough of gingerbread, or mulled wine, or, quite frankly, any Christmassy spice), Christmas songs (they’ve been on since October I’m not going to lie), Christmas lights, Christmas decorations, Christmas PJs, Christmas socks, Christmas pants… the word ‘Christmas’ (okay, have I mentioned it enough yet??)

Christmas can be such a joyful time of the year, filled with festivities, food (hellooo pigs in blankets!!), parties and time with the people you cherish most. However, for some people, it can also be one of the hardest times of the year. Christmas can bring about feelings of obligation, social pressure and extreme guilt. Some people may experience loneliness and isolation. Others may find the disruption to their routines destabilising. Christmas can be beautiful and Christmas can be exhausting.

Let me lay out the expectation… we HAVE to feel happy and ‘jolly’ 24/7. We CANNOT feel down or upset. We HAVE to be brimming with excitement… But, realistically, for some of us that doesn’t happen, does it? So, what’s wrong? Is it me? Is it my fault?

Having suffered with an eating disorder for 11 years, I find that Christmas brings about mixed feelings for me. Like I said earlier, (in case you missed it), I adore this time of year. But, it is also daunting. In every aspect, it is daunting. The food situation can be scary, terrifying… scary and terrifying. Family gatherings can be difficult, what will people say? How will they react to me? Friends often talk about their ‘New Years’ diet (erm, hi there, not so helpful). Presents… for someone who finds it difficult to feel worthy of food, the idea of receiving gifts that someone has put thought and effort into creating scares me just as much. Guilt… And then there’s the guilt, why can I not accept food? Or presents? Or feel worthy of actually enjoying life? The list goes on…

Why do I feel the need to place this pressure on myself?

Christmas does NOT have to be perfect.

Christmas is about spending time with the people you love the most; who also love you the most. Christmas is about creating memories. And, Christmas 2019 is going to be one to remember, for all the right reasons, for all the love and laughter, for the weird family conversations, and games of hide & seek (yes, it is a thing in the Robinson household)… Christmas is not a time to place pressure on yourself. Or anyone else. Christmas is a day like any other. It has 24 hours. Each hour contains 60 minutes. Each minute 60 seconds. And, you can survive it. You WILL survive it.

And, just in case, here is a list of things that I often find useful:

  • Turn the volume down on the internal critic
  • Let yourself be the way you feel
  • Have a Christmas that works for you
  • Remember that You are loved. YOU are worth it
  • Give yourself permission to be you
  • Think of it as your rest day
  • Balance your sense of social obligations against your need for self-care
  • Challenge the assumption that anything ‘needs’ to happen over Christmas
  • Give yourself permission to say no
  • Let family and friends know that you will need time out for quiet and calm
  • Write down what is really important to you
  • Prioritise and tackle tasks one at a time
  • Be mindful of how your routine is about to change
  • Create your own experiences and happiness. Be indulgent. Pamper yourself.

And remember, you ARE number one. You deserve happiness. YOU deserve to enjoy yourself.

Feel free to check out my blog via the link below 🙂

https://emtalks.blog/

E x

Adam Howard3 Comments

My Mental Health Story: Emily Finnigan

Mental Health problems affect 1 in 4 people every year and no one should feel ashamed.

I am a 22-year-old woman who has struggled with mental health issues for years but has only recently been diagnosed with depression & anxiety (February 2019). I don’t really know what particularly started this illness off for me but it started with having low moods, the constant tiredness and having a huge loss of appetite. I didn’t really think much of it at the start, I just thought it was being tired from working 20+ hours a week.

Eventually, I felt myself getting more and more saddened/annoyed at the slightest little thing that shouldn’t necessarily bother me in everyday life. For many months or even years, I kept my feelings to myself as I felt too afraid to ask for any help. Whether that be from family or a close friend.

Every time someone would ask me “you okay?”, I would just easily respond with “yes, thank you” when in reality I wasn’t, I just didn’t want people to worry about me or take their focus off something that could be more important.

I hid my emotions because when I ever mentioned that I was feeling low, I was told to ‘get over it’ or that I would be ok. I found it very difficult to make friends, as I have a lack of trust due to past experiences. I also found it hard to ask someone for help when I feel like I don’t necessarily understand something or even ask for advice when I’m in two minds of something. I was always known as this smiley person who would be constantly laughing or making others laugh, but in reality, behind closed doors, I found it extremely difficult to find the good things about myself.

The scariest thing I found about suffering from a mental illness is the effect it has on every aspect of your life; it’s not just what’s inside your head. For me, suffering with depression and anxiety, I couldn’t find happiness in the little things I used to enjoy doing. More often than not, it would cause me to sit in my room and cry, but usually for no reason at all. I would more often than not seclude myself from everyone else, or I would often find that I would cancel plans due to feeling like I’m going to have a panic attack.

On the 6th of April 2016, I got my first tattoo. To me, a tattoo is something I have always wanted but I also wanted it to be something meaningful. I have always seen this semi-colon tattoo going around to support mental health and since being diagnosed I thought “let’s get this tattoo as it represents me but also shows support to everyone else suffering too”. I have the semi-colon- but it’s also in the frame of a butterfly-  as I like the idea of a butterfly because to me it represents freedom and self-love. Just by looking at my wrist, it reminds me of the good memories I had when I was getting this tattooed, as well as how much of a brave person I was or can be.

Following my diagnosis, I have been able to feel increasingly confident to ask someone for advice or just generally talk about the way I am feeling. Don’t get me wrong there are times when I feel like I don’t want to be a burden upon anyone else, but most of the time I like to just ask for advice whether it being a good thing or a bad thing. When I was diagnosed with a mental illness, I was very lucky to have people around me who did not judge me and did not see me as a different person because of this illness. Also, with being diagnosed I also found out that a lot more people are struggling with mental health issues everyday, more than we realise. Having a mental illness isn’t something we should be ashamed about and something that shouldn’t define us a person, it is something that should be spoken about more and not be a taboo to everyone.

My advice to anyone who is suffering, or feels like they could be experiencing similar emotions, is that please do not block out how you’re feeling. If someone asks how you are, be honest. Don’t let people believe that you are ok when you’re not, because you’ll be surprised at how many people will stick by you and have your back!

If you struggle to tell people how you feel, maybe tell a stranger or a close friend. The worst I did was bottle it up, as it got to the point of every single muscle and bone in my body was hurting and I physically had to ring my mum and tell her I couldn’t do it anymore. I am always here to chat about mental health as I strongly believe that it should be spoken about more.

What I find has helped me calm down is not only my medication- but also just making time for people and getting out of the house. Always surround yourself with people who are going to take your mind off the bad, and always offer your help to people.

Things to remember:

You don’t have to be perfect.
Having a bad day is ok.
Small steps are also progress.
Asking for help is strength.
People love and appreciate you.

Thanks for reading,

Em

Adam HowardLeave a comment

Making A Positivity Jar

Cultivate an optimistic mind, use your imagination, always consider alternatives, and dare to believe that you can make possible what others think is impossible. – Rodolfo Costa

Do you like me find yourself constantly focussing on the negatives? The 2 or 3 things you haven’t got or done well, compared to the 10 things you have achieved. All my life I’ve been quite the pessimist and almost automatically programmed to think about the negative aspects of life, therefore I decided that I couldn’t just settle for that anymore. Something had to give. One way or another, I was determined to inject a little more positivity into my life. That’s where the positivity jar comes in…

Before I would begin filling my jar with all the various notes, I thought it’d best to do some research and give myself a better idea around the sort of topics I could write about. After all, it would be a jar for my viewing only and so I wanted to make it as effective and useful for me as possible. What would be the point in rushing if the jar didn’t really help or mean anything? That would be pointless. I pride myself on being meticulous and giving 100% in everything I do, therefore I didn’t see a reason why this should be any different.

Equipped with a jar from one of our kitchen cabinets, I opted to start by filling it with numerous famous and meaningful quotes. If you’re a consistent viewer of my blogs, you’ll know in each of my blogs that I include a quote at the beginning to set the tone for the piece. To engage the reader immediately and give them something to think about. I’m not going to lie but I previously saw quotes as both pretentious and meaningless, nevertheless, through the struggles and heartache, I started to notice the positive impact they can have on myself and others. How just a few words or a certain phrase can strike a ‘mental cord’ and give somebody a glimmer of light at the end of a very dark tunnel. Life is full of people suffering adversity and battling through and it’s those stories or words of wisdom that give people such great hope!

Together alongside the quotes, I wanted to also include notes personal to me and the experiences of my life. For example, memories that I savour, opportunities I’ve had, the hobbies that I enjoy, the lessons that I’ve learned, people that have inspired me and the people that I’m grateful to have in my life. Friends. Family. Volunteering. Sports. Just to name a few. Anything that I could look back on when I’m in a bad headspace and potentially drag me out of that.

As people that suffer with a mental illness will know, you can become so consumed in your own thought processes that it feels impossible to cope. And the world feels as though it’s quickly crumbling all around you. Positive thoughts feel a million miles away- and I realised for the good of my wellbeing- that I needed tools to alter my mindset. It was time I embraced optimism more!

While previous to creating the jar I was slightly sceptical about how much it could benefit me, I’m pleased to say that it was definitely worth the effort. I’ve still got a long way to go before I achieve my ideal mindset, but the main thing is I’m making steps towards a better life. Slowly but surely.

If you too want to adopt a more positive approach, I’d really recommend you get started on creating your very own positivity jar. Who knows, it could make a real difference!

Thanks for reading,

Adam

 

 

Adam HowardLeave a comment
Advertisements
Create a website or blog at WordPress.com
%d bloggers like this: